Shit I learned by the Time I turned 30

2015-03-03 0 By R.D. Hayes

Thirty was so strange for me. I have really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.

-C.S. Lewis (Marati, 2012)

 

Nothing in Life is as It Seems

 

This was one of the hardest things for me to realize. I saw everything a certain way. Most of us grew up with parents that said we could have it all, as long as we reach for the stars. We dream of a world where everything is perfect, just to have it crushed in adulthood. I always thought that everything was black and white, but being an adult meant that I would have to look past what I thought something was, to find out what it really was.

 

People Come and Go

 

I am not talking about death, although death is a big part of it. There are people in and out of your life constantly. Some people will stay around for good; these are your best of best friends. There are  the lost loves of our lives, these are the people that we poured our heart out to and ended up seeing them in a different light but not until they left. Children grow up, move away, and leave their parent’s hoping for the best and trying to take a step back so that they can begin to learn from their own mistakes.

 

Getting Old Sucks and There is Nothing You Can Do about It

 

I still remember my first gray hair and that wrinkle I found on my forehead from squinting my eyebrows. I went to Wal-Mart and started going through the different types of face products to only realize that it was the inevitable and so why not embrace it? I still look young; I am told that I look like I am in my early twenties but deep down I know that I am a full-blown thirty-year-old.

 

The people that we thought would live forever

 

I will never forget when my grandfather died; he was the one person that I thought would never die. He was eighty-three years old and had lived his last two years in and out of hospitals. I spent his last week of life by his bedside knowing that he would die. I will also never forget when my six-year-old passed away. My child dying made me cold to other people; it made it easier for me when other people passed away. I figure that this was because, if you have a child die, then you have already been through the roughest thing that anyone could ever go through. My point is that no one lives forever. Everyone will eventually die.

 

There is still High school Drama Even in Your Thirties

 

 

If you thought you would leave all drama behind once you reached adulthood, you were wrong. There are still those people who feed off drama, those that instigate the drama, and those that avoid the drama. I am the latter. I don’t like being in the middle of the drama. I hate drama. For some reason, unknown to me, I still find myself in the middle of it now and then. I feel that this is the cause of me ignoring a lot of the drama and wishing it would go away. Those that feed off the drama, are the ones that make stuff up as they go and they do not care who they hurt as long as they can try to get someone on their side. The instigators of the drama are those that keep the drama going or try to get others involved in the midst of it all. Drama happens and even in your thirties, it is hard to avoid it.

 

 

You are Slowly Becoming Your Parents

 

This just happened. It was as if I woke up one day and said something that made me say, “OMG, that was my dad speaking right there.” It just happens and as much as you have tried being different, you have slowly become them. The trick is to take the good and use those to sculpt yourself into the best person possible.

 

Self-help Books are Finding Their Way into Your Book Collection

 

I use to hate self-help books; I never really understood how people could read them. As a thirty-year-old, I am at the prime of my life and I have done much soul-searching and trying to find the best possible way to make my life even better. Self-help books have actually helped me more than I could explain. I first bought a self-help book right after my second to last break-up. This was solely to do with the fact that this person said that I did not even know who I was, so  how could someone else really know the real me. This made me think and yes, he was right. I bought the self-help book and started to understand why I did the things I did. I have always said that if you do not know why you are doing something, then what was the point of doing it. I am a master at giving advice, but not so much at taking my advice, which brings me to my next bit to being thirty.

 

It is Time You Started Taking Your Own Advice

All throughout my life, I have taken the advice of others, some good, and some bad. I recently found myself at the bottom of the barrel, trying to discover why I didn’t think that my advice was good enough for me, but it was perfect for someone else. Recently, since I turned thirty, I have taken my advice and things are looking up. I had a friend whose father recently passed away and when I went to comfort her, all I could think about was Gaje, my six-year-old that had passed in 2007. I thought about all the things that people said and why they said them. I had a friend call me up and ask what they should say to them since she had never had anyone pass away like. I thought about it and told her to not say anything at all, let them do the speaking and just be a friend and listen. I approached the house and started to offer my condolences but then something happened. My friend knew that her father was on his deathbed and that it was only a matter of time before he would pass away, so the death did not come as a shock. She was still hurt and I could tell that she had cried recently. I gave her a hug and before I could speak, she started to talk about her dad. She was going through photos for the funeral home and needed my advice. I was there to comfort her and not to tell her how sorry I was. She did not need to hear this; she needed a friend. I could be a friend, after all, this was the advice that I had given our other friend. Taking your own advice is some of the best advice that I can give you at this point in your life.

 

Thirty-year Olds are No Longer Considered Old, They are Considered Wise

 

The funny thing about being a kid is that everyone ten years older than you seems old. I still remember when my mom turned thirty; I thought she was old. I thought that older people only thought they knew what life was all about, but they didn’t know jack. As a thirty-year-old, I can see that it only means that you are wiser; wiser in the way you speak, wiser with responsibilities, wiser about what to do with your life, and wiser on how much control you really have. Thirty is not old if anything, it is the age in which you are still able to have all the fun you want but wise enough to know your responsibilities.

 

The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.   

-Hervey Allen (Marati, 2012)

 

Regrets are for those who are Still Not Willing to Change

 

Everyone has regrets at some point in their life. As a thirty-year-old, you have to learn to embrace these regrets and turn those regrets into something positive. I always wanted to do two things in life, go to college and join the military. I joined the military when I was twenty-six. I was the oldest female in basic training. They say that most women hit their mid-life crisis for the first time between the ages of twenty-five and twenty-seven, their second one is normally between forty and forty-five. Well, call it whatever you want but this is what I had wanted to do so I did it. I felt amazing for being able to say that I had completed something so great. I am also a college student. Yes, I am thirty and in college. I regret not doing this when I was younger, but I had circumstances that wouldn’t allow me to, so I started college before I joined the military and I have recently gone back to finish my degree. I regret many things, but I do not want to be that seventy-year-old who looks back on a lifetime of regrets. If you have put something off, do it now while you still have the chance or, do not complain about it later. It is your life and your choice. It is never too late to make wiser decisions but, being thirty means that you already have a glimpse of what life is about and therefore I hope you make more sound decisions about your life.

 

My Parents Have Somehow Become Cool Again

 

Do you remember that time in your life when you thought that you parents knew nothing and that their only job was to make your life a living hell? Now that I am thirty, I see that they might have had a few wise points somewhere in there. As a parent myself, I can finally understand what all that talk was about. I now look up to my parents for advice, especially my dad. I had a rough childhood, but I now know why my dad thought it was so important for me not do the things that he had done when he was a child. I always told him that I had to learn from my own mistakes and no matter how much he tried to shield me, I often found my way into a mess of things. As an adult, and thirty-year-old, I look back on my life and I finally understand why they did or said that the things that they did. As a parent, I find myself repeating some of the same things to my children and waiting for them to screw up so that I can offer up some good advice.

 

My Body Hurts

 

I never felt the pain of my body as much as I have lately. It is as if I woke up one day and my body just decided to hate me. I keep asking why but the only response that I seem to come up with is that I am getting older. Funny because I do not feel old.

 

I look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the last ten years. My twenties were nothing but a blur. I look older but I still feel the same, my mind feels the same. I have aches in places that I did not know I could ache but I still feel like I did when I was in my twenties, only wiser.

The Older I am, The Wiser I Become

 

I learn something new every day. Learning is now fun, unlike a chore that it was when I was in my teen years. Learning is an adventure for me and it makes me feel accomplished. I like being able to understand conversations that are complex, and being able to raise my hand because I know the answer to that shit! Being wise is fun; it is no longer a head wrenching drama club of “Do I have to?”

 

I Now Fully Understand What Politics Mean

 

Politics is getting a group of people together to try to agree on the same thing. I love a good debate and I can now do this without arguing, this is politics. I have heard many say that you should never discuss politics or religion. Screw that! I want to discuss it, I want to know what your opinion is and why it might differ from mine, and I want to be able to see what makes people tick and why they do the things that they do. As a thirty-year old, I want to know it all.

 

As you can see, being thirty does not mean that you are dead to the world and that you are on a journey to being that old grumpy person that everyone dreads. Being thirty means that you are wiser, accomplished, you know what you want. You may not know how to get what you want but that is the beauty of being thirty, you can now use that brain of yours to figure it out.

Works Cited

Marati, J. (2012, May 23). 30 Quotes On Being In Your 30s. Retrieved from Ecosolon: http://ecosalon.com/30-quotes-on-being-in-your-30s/

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